Five tips on how to ask someone out without being paralyzed by anxiety. You will laugh in the face of your fear of rejection, and be brave and strong!
These tips on how to ask someone out aren’t just for first dates. They’re for anyone who wants to know how to overcome fear of rejection when inviting someone new to do something together.
It takes courage to ask someone out – or even just to invite someone over to watch a movie. Last weekend, I invited a couple girlfriends over to watch Bridesmaids. I felt surprisingly nervous about it, because I seem to have lost all my social skills. Moving to Vancouver and getting married eight years ago has changed my friendships, and I feel like I’ve forgotten how to make friends.
One of the most important things you’ll ever do in life is start a romance. And, the first step is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. If you’re ready to make new friends or start dating, use these tips on how to ask someone out without fear of rejection.
How to Ask Someone Out Without Fear of Rejection
These tips work for overcoming all sorts of fears, by the way! Fear of job interviews, fear of public speaking, fear of asking your boss for a raise…if you apply these tips, you’ll learn how to overcome all sorts of fears.
1. Remember that knowing how to ask someone out isn’t a natural skill. “Social skills don’t come naturally to everyone – but they can be learned,” says Dear Abby in How high school girl can overcome fear, insecurity of asking boy out. “And like any learned skill, they take practice. The surest cure for shyness – which is the “fear” you are experiencing – is to forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person.” Forgetting about yourself and being sincerely interested in the other person is one of the best tips on how to overcome fear of rejection and learning how to ask someone out. When dating, you need to focus on getting to know the other person.
2. Practice asking people out. I don’t remember where, but I recently heard a psychologist describe how she helped a guy ask overcome fear of rejection. He really wanted to ask a neighbor out, but felt anxious and scared at the thought. The psychologist challenged him to conduct a social experiment, and spend three hours in a coffee shop, asking women out. His script went something like this: “Hello, I know you don’t know me, but you look like a really interesting person. Would you like to go out with me sometime?” Most of the women he asked said no in very kind, gentle, sweet, compassionate ways. After three hours of rejection (and some acceptances!), he had built a tough enough skin. He felt like he knew how to ask someone out without fear of rejection, because he’d experienced tons of rejection and it didn’t sting anymore.
3. Remember that others have the same fears you do. Here’s an excerpt from the rest of the Dear Abby article: “The majority of people have the same insecurities you do. Many of them will respond positively because they appreciate being noticed. That’s how you make friends of both genders. Show an interest in others. Be honest but always tactful. Cultivate your own interests so you will have something to talk about with others. If there are clubs at your school, join the ones that interest you…if you and some friends plan to do something (and after you have been friendly and let the young man you like notice you), smile and ask if he’d like to come along.” A safe way to learn how to ask someone out is to plan a group outing.
4. Put rejection in perspective. Here’s a great tip on how to ask someone out without fear of rejection: let a “no” be a “no” without it being a huge emotional traumatic experience. “The funny thing is, it’s just a “no.” The stock market doesn’t explode, the polar ice caps don’t melt, and nobody posts a video of you getting rejected online for the world to see (or at least, hopefully not),” says Chase Amante in How to Ask a Girl Out (the 8 Great Steps to “Yes!”). “The worst possible thing that could happen is she says “no,” and you go on with your life. But you shouldn’t just take a “no” at face value…It might sound silly, but you being unfazed when she says “no” is one of the most crazy attractive things you can do around a woman. Persistence is attractive to women like few other things are. Persistence pays off. Don’t take “no” so seriously.”
5. Don’t try to overcome fear of rejection. My final tip on how to ask someone out is to let yourself feel scared. It’s normal to be afraid of taking a risk – and rejection is one of the biggest risks we’ll every take! But, the risk of getting rejected when you’re asking someone out on a date is worse than sitting home alone, isn’t? So, don’t worry too much about overcoming fear of rejection. Instead, focus on building a life you’re happy with.
One of the most important tips on overcoming fear of rejection when dating is to learn how to love and accept yourself. Read How to Be Happy Single Even If You’d Rather Be in Love, and get a firm grounding of who you are and where you’re going in life.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin. I welcome your thoughts on how to ask someone out without fear of rejection below.