These tips on finding the right guy will help you figure out why you keep falling into relationships that are bad for you. The basis for these tips are lessons from the most common mistakes women make when they’re desperate to fall in love.
Are you attracted to the same men – who aren’t good for you – over and over? The sooner you know the reasons you’re getting involved with the wrong men, the quicker you’ll break the pattern.
Here’s what one reader says about her history of bad relationships:
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“I am currently leaving my second terrible long term relationship. I was previously with a man for two years who was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. I was very addicted to the cycle with him and at times I can say I truly loved him and his ‘good side.’”
And there you have it, my friends: the first reason women have trouble finding the right guy – why they stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships. The wrong men apologize, beg forgiveness, and/or blame their partnres for their behavior. They have a good side, and that’s what women fall in love with. But their bad side is bigger, and overshadows the good.
How to Find the Right Guy
The next three reasons women don’t know how to find the right guy are from the same reader, who shared her thoughts on my article 10 Signs of a Bad Relationship.
You’re young, vulnerable, and consumed by hope
“I spent a year and a half seeking counseling, medication, and self-help/personal development books to get back to normal after the end of that nightmare. I am STILL not over that man. He was also my first love and real boyfriend, at age 19-21 so that played a factor.”
The younger we are, the harder we fall. We haven’t learned to trust our gut instincts, and we may not be as self-aware as when we’re older. Many of the worst relationship mistakes are made when we’re in our teens and 20s, which is why I waited until I was 35 to get married. I didn’t feel ready to be in a relationship before then, and I believe God protected me from getting involved with the wrong men. I was in short-term relationships here and there, but nothing serious.
What does this mean for you, if you’re wanting to find the right guy? It means you should take your time and trust that the right man will come into your life at the right time.
You ignore the warning signs
“By the time I met my recent ex, I was 22 and had revitalized my self-esteem and life. So what happened? I was instantly attracted to this man. I ignored every warning sign, my friend and family’s advice. I absolutely lost myself in the relationship. I was completely distracted from school, work, everything. This man was also verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive. He recently showed up at my house out of nowhere and threatened to kill himself on my front lawn. I had to call the police, he ended up in a psych ward. Now he’s saying it’s all MY fault he is there and that he was ‘never serious’ about hurting himself. He also said that I am the cause of all the problems in his life even though he has been like this his entire life.”
There are so many things in this comment – and all so important to think about! Here’s my list:
- Put “finding the right guy” second on your list of major life priorities! First, focus on finding your mission and passion in life.
- I’ve ignored warning signs in relationships – and I know you have too. That’s why you clicked on this article about getting involved with the wrong men, and that’s why you keep making the same mistakes in your relationships.
- Unhealthy, abusive men blame their partners for their behavior and lives.
- Losing yourself in your relationship is bad. I keep meaning to write an article about staying connected with yourself even when you’re in love, but haven’t yet.
Do you think you’ve found the right guy? Read How to Ask Someone Out Without Fear of Rejection.
If you have anything to add, please comment below. I’d love to hear what you think about how to find the right guy.
You’re following patterns you’re not aware of
“I often wonder how young, motivated, SMART woman get involved with these guys. There are a lot of reasons and factors – many of which are from our childhood. Also, following patterns and not breaking cycles or being aware of them. To other women reading this – I finally realized after seeing this person blame ME for his suicide attempt, even though I had barely spoken to him in weeks – that their behaviors are their own and you can’t be held responsible.”
Did you get that, my friend? You are not responsible for your partner’s behaviors! Do you keep getting involved with the wrong men because of what he says and how he makes you feel? Maybe it’s time to follow this reader’s lead, and learn what childhood patterns you’re following.
Here’s her final comment:
“You are beautiful. You are smart. You are lovely. Do not reduce yourself to a low self-esteem, unhappy, shade of a woman. You are worth so much more than that! If you’re a man who keeps getting involved with the wrong partner, it’s the same deal: you are worth more, you are loved, and you don’t deserve to be treated badly.”
What do you think – why are you still looking for the right guy to fall in love with? I welcome your comments below!